


Things About Me

by JulesHawke



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, OCs - Freeform, Original Character(s), getting to know my OCs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7140383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesHawke/pseuds/JulesHawke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This started out as an OC questionnaire meme - fill this out from your OCs POV - on Tumblr and I think I got a bit carried away.  Still no better way to get to know the characters than to have a bit of fun.  This will include my Shepards and possibly other OCs.  I hope you enjoy meeting them.<br/>Bioware owns all things ME, I'm just expanding on their universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arelia

**Author's Note:**

> Arelia Shepard is a Soldier, a spacer and a war hero. You'll find her in Out of Destruction, my Shoker fic.

“What the … ?”

‘What is it babe?”

Glances at Joker leaning over her shoulder, “some questionnaire thing someone wants me to fill out.”

“Ooh,” Joker grins sitting down beside her, “this could be fun.” He laughs at her scowl, “come on, fun. You remember what that is right?”

“Fine.”

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**



_Depends who you ask – Shepard mostly.  
_

“Snugglebuns, smooshcakes … .” (hits Joker on the shoulder very gently) “Ow! Oh right, hit the cripple, just like you used me as bait.”

“Come here and let me kiss it better then.” *Kisses her way up his arm to his neck*

“Um, Ari, questions … get them finished and we can do other things.” *waggles eyebrows*

“Ugh, fine.”

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?**



_Really? Arelia Shepard._

“Um, didn’t we get married, you put my hand on your boobs and everything … .”

“Okay … .” _Arelia Moreau._

  1. **DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?**



_Not a clue, I could have come up with something better._ *glares at Joker* “Don’t say it.”

  1. **ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?**



“Duh! He just said we got married. “

“Ari, this is a written thing, they can’t hear you.”

  1. **HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?**



_I can shut Joker up_ *grins at his scowl*

“Only cause I let you”

  1. **STOP BEING A GARY STU.**



“Um, do you know what that is?“

“Not a clue babe.“

“Really, I thought you knew everything.“

“Hang on I’ll look it up on the extranet … .”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?**



_Blue/grey._

“Or red when she’s angry … ,” *cops another hit* “… what, it’s true, with those implants of yours.”

  1. **HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR?**



_Dark brown/auburn._

“Always wondered what you’d look like as a blonde.” *cops another hit* “Ow, bruises.”

"Maybe I'm just looking forward to kissing it better," she grins at him.

  1. **HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?**



_My mum._

“Hey, I’m family and we have a daughter. “

“Okay,” _Jeff, Katie, oh and the Normandy crew_.

“Don’t forget your krogan clan, Wrex won’t be happy and you complained last time you had to head butt one of them into line.”

  1. **OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS?**



_Don’t have time._

“Yeah, definitely not good with fish.” *hold up hands in defence* “Just sayin’.”

  1. **THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.**



_Smart aleck pilots._

“Aw, come on, you know that’s why you fell in love with me.” *nuzzles her neck and makes her squirm*

_Fine. Reapers, Cerberus, politicians, reporters, spicy food, …_

“I think they only wanted a short list, babe. And you like my spicy food.”

“Only because you cook it for me.” *smiles at his pout*

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING?**



“Annoying her smart aleck pilot.”  He answers.

“I can think of other things I like doing to my smart aleck pilot.” *raises an eyebrow at his gulp*

  1. **EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?**



_Um … goes with the job._

  1. **EVER….KILLED ANYONE BEFORE?**



“You don’t have to answer that one babe.” *takes her hand and kisses her palm.*

 _Guess that goes with the job too._ *sighs and looks at Joker*

“I love you.”

  1. **WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?**



“Who came up with these questions?”

“I think you’re a fox.“

“Guess we’ll go with that then.”

  1. **NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.**



“Blanket hog.”

*Glares at him* _I work too hard apparently_. 

“Well you do.” *he shrugs* “Even Chakwas thinks so.”

  1. **DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL?**



_Jeff, my mum, David Anderson, my crew._

“Me?”

“You’re my hero, my love.” *kisses his hand that’s still intertwined with hers.* “And he’s speechless.” *She laughs.*

  1. **GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?**



_Really? Straight._

  1. **DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?**



“What? Now, in the past?”

_I’m educated and always learning new ways to do … things,_

*flicks a glance at Joker* “though not always in the classroom.” *laughs as his face turns a bright shade of red*

  1. **DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY?**



“Do these people do their homework?” _Already married and have a daughter._

“Who’s a force of nature like her mother.”

“And a smart aleck like her father.”

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS?**



*Joker bursts out laughing as she frowns then rolls her eyes.*

“Conrad Verner.” – they say in unison.

  1. **WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?**



_Losing Jeff, dying before Katie grows up._ *returns the squeeze Joker gives her hand.*

  1. **WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?**



“Nothing if I get my way.”  He nuzzles her neck and plays with the hem of her shirt.

 _Fatigues_ *glares at Joker who laughs* _sweatpants and t-shirts._

“You do look good in those close fitting dresses though, and the suspenders and stockings, especially that Mrs Claus outfit you wore last Christmas.”

  1. **DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?**



_We already covered this._

  1. **WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF?**



*Splutters* “What?”

“Well you were pretty wet for me this morning.” *Joker’s shit eating grin leaves her lost for words*

“I’m not putting that in there!”

  1. **WELL, IT’S NOT OVER YET!**



_Crap._

  1. **WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS)**



“I – they still have those – how do you rate these things.”

“You’re in a class of your own, babe.”

  1. **HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?**



_Enough._

  1. **WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?**



_Sweet or savoury – either or._ “Why are you laughing at me?”

  1. **FAVORITE DRINK?**



_Water I guess, coffee, tea._

“You like those blue drinks when we go out, or when we stay at home.”

“Only because you keep giving them to me because you like to see me drunk.”

“You’re cute when you’re drunk.” *ignores the glare she throws at him.*

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?**



_The Normandy, it’s home and my family is here._ *Joker nods in agreement.*

  1. **ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE~**



“Seriously?”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY?**



“I am not answering that.”

“A nice handful, or mouthful.” *cops another hit*

“Should I tell them how big you are?”

“Nah, they’d only get jealous.” *gapes at him*

  1. **WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?**



_Neither, not a water person._

"And there are fish in there that might want revenge."  Joker laughs at her open mouth stare.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?**



_Snarky, smart aleck, disobeys orders, answers back …_

“Handsome, good upper body strength, good in bed … . “

“Talking about someone you know?”

“Ow, way to bruise the ego.”

  1. **ANY FETISHES?**



_None that I’m going to tell you about._ *covers Joker’s mouth* “Don’t.”

  1. **SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?**



“Seriously.” _Whatever’s best for Jeff, I like it all ways_ *laughs at the choking sound from Joker.*

  1. **CAMPING OR INDOORS?**



_Indoors, definitely indoors, although lying under the stars with Jeff is always nice. He can point out every constellation in the sky and name the stars too._

  1. **ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?**



“Finally, and there is no way I’m sending this.”

“Then why did you fill it out?”

“Cause you said it would be fun, I’ll do anything for you, you know that.”

“You should send it.”

“I don’t even know where it came from, who knows where it will end up.”

“One way to find out.” *reaches across and hits send*

-Thank you for taking time to participate in the Fornax edition of get to know your heroes. Please attach a photo, preferably one suitable for the magazine, to use with your responses.-

“Oh fuck … now look what you’ve done.” *Joker is too busy laughing to answer.* “I hate you.”

“Hang on, I’ve got that photo of you in your Mrs Claus outfit.” *brings up his omnitool*

“I will shoot you!” *grabs for his arm but he hurries to the bed*

“No you won’t,” *rolls backwards on the bed, dragging her with him* “I believe you had some kissing better to do.”

“I should break every bone in your body.” *tries to ignore him as he kisses his way up her neck* “I thought I was doing the kissing better.”

“I’m not stopping you.” *he grins as she finds his lips*

“I hate you.” *she says smothering him in kisses and ripping off his shirt*


	2. Gillean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gillean is a sentinel, earthborn and a war hero.

“Commander.”

“Yes EDI.”

“A request has just been forwarded from Alliance Command. They are asking you to take part in a get to know you special edition of Battlespace. They have sent a written questionnaire for you to fill out.”

“As if I have time for this.”

“I can pass on your preference not to take part. But it did come from Admiral Hackett.”

“Fine, send it through.”

“Would you like some assistance, Shepard?”

“I think I can answer a few questions, EDI.”

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**



Shepard.

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?**



Shepard, but if you mean my first name – that’s classified.

  1. **DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?**



No.

  1. **ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?**



Classified

  1. **HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?**



Classified

  1. **STOP BEING A GARY STU.**



“Commander these are not the responses they are looking for, they need more information.”

“Problem, Shepard?” Kaidan rounds the corner into the mess followed by James, Joker, Garrus and Tali. “EDI said you needed help with something.”

“No I don’t.”

“Is that the questionnaire the Alliance sent out?” James glances at the datapad as he takes a seat opposite.

“Yes, you know what it is?”

“Yeah, we all filled one in.” He looks at Kaidan and Joker who nod in agreement.

“So, what juicy bits are you letting out?” Joker grabs the datapad as he sits down.

“Hey,” Shepard tries to pull it back but he holds it out of reach.

“You’re joking, right?” He holds up the datapad for the others.

“What, why?”

“Classified?” Kaidan gapes at her. “I think EDI was right, you need our help.”

“Shit yeah, you can’t answer like that,” James is nodding.

“Why not, it’s my information and I can keep whatever secrets I want.”

“I guess we need an … what is that thing you humans say?” Tali’s masked face turns from one to the other.

“An intervention,” Kaidan grins and sits down. “Now, let’s start again shall we.”

They all ignore Shepard’s groan and delete her answers.

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**



Shepard.

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?**



“Does anyone know your first name?” James looks around at the puzzled faces.

Shepard doesn’t respond.

“We can look up her service record,” Joker brings up his omnitool.

“Gillean,” Tali ignores the glare Shepard gives her. “She told me once.”

  1. **DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?**



“No.”

“So no family history, special reason?” Garrus asks.

“If you must know a nurse at the orphanage gave it to me after I was dropped on their doorstep with just a surname.”

“Moving on,” Kaidan breaks the heavy silence and clears his throat.

  1. **ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?**



_Single, no time for relationships._

“Really?” James looks at the answer Kaidan enters.

“Really. There are regs you know.” Shepard scowls and they shuffle uncomfortably.

  1. **HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?**



“Biotics, technical skills.” Garrus suggests.

“I’ve got one,” Joker laughs, “can’t dance.”

“Can shoot without missing though,” she narrows her eyes at him and he waves her off.

  1. **STOP BEING A GARY STU.**



Already covered this one.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?**



Green.

  1. **HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR?**



Black.

“Assuming that’s your natural colour,” Kaidan grins at the black look she gives him. “Okay then.”

  1. **HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?**



“No.”

“I thought we were your family, Shepard?” Tali props herself against the table and looks down at her.

“Well, yeah, you are.” She looks at them in turn, “as close as I’ll ever get anyway.”

_Normandy crew._ Kaidan writes and she nods.

  1. **OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS?**



“Ah no, she kills them all, well fish at least.” Garrus shrugs as she glares at him.

  1. **THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.**



“Answering things like this.”

“It’s not that difficult Shepard,” Kaidan suggests, “most of this stuff can be found with an extranet search.”

“Really,” she stares at him wide eyed. “Have you looked?”

“Well, no, but … .”

“I have,” Joker grins.

“Of course you have.” She stares at him as he opens his mouth to speak. “I will shoot you.” He snaps his jaw shut.

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING?**



“Shooting people,” she smiles before adding, “especially nosy people and irritating AIs.”

_Collecting model ships._ Kaidan types and chuckles before adding, _singing._

“You sing, Shepard?” James’ eyebrows head for his hairline.

“She’s very good too,” Kaidan glances at her as she shakes her head. “Heard her once in a bar in Vancouver, when she though no-one was listening.”

“I was drunk, on shore leave.” She shrugged, “had to pass the time somehow. I didn’t know you were there.”

“It’s the only bar I go to when I’m in town.”

  1. **EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?**



“Classified.”

Kaidan sighs and types, _part of the job_.

  1. **EVER….KILLED ANYONE BEFORE?**



“Classified.”

_Again, part of the job, but it’s not pleasant._ Kaidan writes.

Everyone nods in agreement.

  1. **WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?**



“I’m not an animal.”

“Fox,” James grins.

“Wolf,” Kaidan adds.

“Bear,” Joker expands the list.

“As in teddy bear or grizzly bear?” Garrus questions.

“Both,” Tali shrugs, “tough but soft when necessary.” She holds up her hand at Shepard’s open mouth. “Admit it Shepard, you’re not always as tough as you like people to think you are. I know you care.” Shepard has no response to that.

  1. **NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.**



“I don’t have any.”

“Stubborn” from Kaidan.

“Control freak,” from James.

“Workaholic,” from Garrus.

“Back seat driver,” from Joker.

“Impatient,” from Tali.

“Moving on,” from Shepard.

  1. **DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL?**



“Anderson, my crew, when they’re not being assholes.”

  1. **GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?**



“None of your damn business.” She waits for someone to comment but no-one does.

  1. **DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?**



“Eventually.”

“What does that mean?” James frowned at her.

“I was too busy staying alive to go to school and the Reds didn’t consider it important. Don’t need to be smart to pick pockets.”

“So how did you learn?” Garrus finally sits and looks at her across the table.

“Anderson, organised tutors and lessons when he found me at sixteen. I learn fast.”

  1. **DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY?**



“Hadn’t planned on it.” Everyone looks at her. “What, can’t afford the distraction right now and I can’t guarantee the future.”

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS?**



“No.”

Kaidan and Garrus both sputter a name through covered mouths.

“Okay - Conrad Verner.” 

  1. **WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?**



“Dying before I finish what I started – destroying the Reapers.”

  1. **WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?**



“BDU’s, dress blues, N7 hoodie, combat boots.  Dog tags.”

“What about when you’re off duty?” Tali tilts her head at her.

“I’m never off duty, Elysium proved that.” 

  1. **DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?**



“No comment.”

Surprised faces look up at her but she clamps her jaw shut.

  1. **WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF?**



“What the fuck? Are you sure this came from the Alliance EDI?”

"Yes Commander."

“That’s a stupid question,” Kaidan agrees.

  1. **WELL, IT’S NOT OVER YET!**



“It should be.”

  1. **WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS)**



“Depends who you talk to.”

“High class babe,” James laughs then realises what he’s said. “Sorry, Shepard, only meant that you’re high class, top stuff … .”

“You can stop now, James.” Kaidan chuckles as James turns bright red.

  1. **HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?**



“I don’t count them so don’t know.”

“I thought I was your friend, Shepard,” Tali is definitely pouting behind her mask.

“Me too,” Garrus folds his arms across his chest and leans back in the chair.

“Makes me feel less special,” Joker shrugs and drops his hands on the table.

“Okay, you’re all my friends, count yourselves in.”

  1. **WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?**



“What? Pie? Are they serious?”

“Apple pie,” Kaidan suggests.

“Shepard’s Pie,” Joker laughs and receives a glare in response.

_No preference_ , Kaidan writes.

  1. **FAVORITE DRINK?**



_Ryncol._ Kaidan waits for her to deny it but she doesn’t so it stays.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?**



“The Normandy.”

They all nod in agreement.

  1. **ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE~**



“No comment.”

“Come on, Shepard, is there someone special?” James whines at her.

“I thought there was but he never showed any interest.” She shrugs, “that’s the most you’ll get from me.”

They all look at Kaidan, “not me.”

They turn to Joker, “not me either.”

“So who,” Tali leans towards her. “You can’t keep us in suspense like this, Shepard.”

“Someone I went through basic with. We’ve been friends since but we don’t see each other often enough for it to be anything more.” She folds her arms across her chest. “That’s it.”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY?**



“Classified.”

Male eyes fall to her chest and she clears her throat.

“Right,” they all stutter and find something interesting around the mess.

  1. **WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?**



“Neither, I don’t like water.”

“She’s afraid of the fish,” Garrus coughs behind his hand and they all laugh.

“Where’s my gun?”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?**



“Someone I can trust.”

Kaidan’s eyes drop and he squirms.

“I trust you Kaidan, you’ve proven I can.”

“Thanks, Shepard,” he nods and goes back to the datapad.

  1. **ANY FETISHES?**



“No comment.” Mouths open to speak. “NO COMMENT.”

  1. **SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?**



“None of your damn business.”

  1. **CAMPING OR INDOORS?**



“Prefer indoors.”

“What, no lying under the stars with your unknown friend?” James chuckles but quickly turns serious at her downward gaze. “Sorry, Shepard.”

  1. **ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?**



“I wish it had never started.” She sighs and looks at the faces around her, “are we done now.”

“Yep,” Joker stands to leave, James, Garrus and Tali follow his lead.

“Yes, but EDI was right,” Kaidan hands her the datapad. “You did need help.” He chuckles as he walks away.

Shepard hits send on the pad, “thank god, now I can get back to work.”

 


	3. Lacie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lacie Shepard is an engineer, Earthborn and a sole survivor.

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**



_Shepard._

“What ya doin, gorgeous?” Zaeed drops onto the bed and tips her sideways.

“Filling out this questionnaire thingy for Miranda, she says she needs to update my file.” She kisses him and turns back to the datapad. “Although I thought she already knew everything there is to know about me.”

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?**



_Lacie Shepard._

  1. **DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?**



_The nurses at the orphanage came up with it._

Zaeed’s hand on her leg, rubbing softly, is comforting.

  1. **ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?**



_Taken_ – “I think.”

“Just let anyone try and take you from me,” he grins and kisses her knee.

  1. **HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?**



_Good with tech, I’m a pretty smart engineer._

“Making old men feel young,” he laughs at her open mouth. “What, I haven’t had this much sex since I was a teenager.”

  1. **STOP BEING A GARY STU.**



“What is that?” *Zaeed just shrugs*

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?**



_Green._

  1. **HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR?**



Copper/red

“The colour of a spent heatsink.” Zaeed shrugs.

“Aw, you say the sweetest things,” she leans down and kisses him.

  1. **HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?**



_None that I know of but the Normandy crew._

  1. **OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS?**



_Nope. Can’t keep them alive long enough._

  1. **THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.**



_Cerberus._

“You do remember who’s paying the bills.” Zaeed says.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like them.”

_Reapers, politicians, liars, reporters, specifically …_

“They don’t need goddamned names, Shepard.”

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING?**



_Blowing things up._

“That’s a hobby?” Zaeed raises his eyebrows, “nothing like a good explosion.”

  1. **EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?**



_Um … part of the job._

  1. **EVER….KILLED ANYONE BEFORE?**



*Hesitates*

“Ignore it, sweetheart.” He goes back to rubbing her leg.

_Part of the job._

  1. **WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?**



“A big cat,” he laughs at her frown. “You purr when I stroke you in the right places.”

_A pussy._ *Zaeed rolls backwards laughing as she grins at him.*

  1. **NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.**



“Control freak.” Zaeed says while sitting back up.

“I’m the Commander, I’m supposed to be in control.”

“I wasn’t talking about on missions.”

‘Oh, well what … oh,” she blushes and types:

_Likes to be in charge in all situations._

  1. **DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL?**



_Respect lots of people, Anderson, Joker, Zaeed … ._

“Why me?” He looks at her with a furrowed brow.

“You had half your face shot off, yet you survived and carried on,” she grins and continues, “although you do have this unrelenting thirst for revenge – that I will help you with when this is over.” She holds up her hands at his scowl. “Plus you have lots of experience that I can learn from.”

“I can teach you a few things,” he slides his hand up her thigh and she bats it away.

“I’m sure you can, later.”

  1. **GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?**



_Straight – sorry, you’re out of luck ;p_

  1. **DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?**



_No. Bit beyond that and didn’t, not until I was sixteen._

“Really,” he looks up at her in surprise. “How come.”

“Ran away from the foster home when I was eight, skipped school and they threatened to send me back to the orphanage.” She shrugs, “I thought there were more important things in life than school.” Her eyes drop to the bed, “I was wrong.”

  1. **DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY?**



_Hadn’t planned on it_ – looks at Zaeed who meets her eyes – _but who knows._

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS?**



_No._

“What about that blonde guy we ran into on Illium,” Zaeed reminds her. “He was an idiot but seemed really keen on you.”

“Ugh, Verner.” She types – _Conrad Verner_.

  1. **WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?**



_Dying before I destroy the Reapers._ *She flicks a glance at Zaeed* _Losing those I care about._

  1. **WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?**



_Anything other than a Cerberus uniform._

“Nothing is good,” Zaeed’s fingers draw circles on her thigh and she shivers as goose bumps burst to life.

  1. **DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?**



_No Comment._ *Zaeed smiles and huffs a laugh but doesn’t meet her eyes.

  1. **WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF?**



“Well that’s a fucking stupid question,” Zaeed beats her to it.

“Not answering that one.” She frowns at the screen before opening the com. “Miranda.  What the hell kind of question is 'When was the last time you wet yourself?'”

"What are you talking about, Shepard?"

"This questionnaire thingy you sent me to fill out, it's number 25."

"I didn't send you a questionnaire."

"Well who did?"  She glares at Zaeed who's smothering his laughter.  "Find out."  She puts the datapad on the bed, "guess I'm not filling out the rest."

"Come on Shepard, you've got me curious now."

"Fine, but it's not going anywhere except in the trash."

  1. **WELL, IT’S NOT OVER YET!**



_Fuck!_

  1. **WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS)**



“Whatever I need to be.” She muses and Zaeed nods.

“Definitely high class to me.”

“Now you’re just trying to get on my good side,” she runs her fingers through his hair and he sighs and closes his eyes.

_All of them._

  1. **HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?**



_I don’t go around counting them – who does????_

  1. **WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?**



“Pie? Seriously?”

_Don’t have any._

  1. **FAVORITE DRINK?**



_Coffee – I’m a bitch before morning coffee._

“You should put Ryncol in there too, I’ve seen you drink that, probably more than any other human.”

“What can I say, these implants speed up my metabolism.”

“Shit, Shepard, Ryncol is like swallowing cut glass, even I don’t touch it.”

“So you’re a wuss.” She grins to take the sting out of her words.

“Just not crazy like you.”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?**



_The Normandy – even though Cerberus rebuilt her._

  1. **ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE~**



_Again?_

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY?**



*Zaeed laughs at her open mouth stare* “A nice handful."

_None of your goddamned business._

“I’m rubbing off on you.” He rolls onto his back and puts his head in her lap.

  1. **WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?**



Um … just no.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?**



“Mature, experienced, takes no shit, can perform when required … .”

“Old, easily manipulated, likes to cuddle … .”

“Shit, Shepard, you really know how to hurt a guy.” He goes to get up but she stops him with a long, hot kiss.

“I’ll make it up to you,” she smoulders and chuckles as he swallows hard.

  1. **ANY FETISHES?**



_No._ *Zaeed raises and eyebrow and she glares at him.*

  1. **SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?**



“We covered this, you like to be in charge.” Zaeed sighs and folds his hands across his abdomen.

“If you’re good to me I might let you have a turn.” She coos in his ear and he squirms on the bed.

“You’re a tease, Shepard.”

  1. **CAMPING OR INDOORS?**



_Indoors – less chance of thresher maws that way._

  1. **ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?**



_Hell yeah, I have more important things to do._

“I can think of more important things to do,” Zaeed pulls the datapad from her fingers and tosses it on the floor before gripping the back of her neck and pulling her down for a kiss.

“Something on your mind, old man.” She grins.

“I’ll show you old,” he rolls and pulls her under him in one quick movement. “I think you said something about letting me take control.”

“You said something about teaching me things.” She laughs as he growls and claims her lips.

 


	4. Stokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Stokes, an OC first introduced in Careful What You Wish For, then given his own fic Surviving Hell On Earth. It probably gives you a glimpse into the other OCs in that fic too. Hope you like him.

“Stokes,” Buckner walked towards him waving a datapad in the air.  “Got a minute?”

“For what?”  He looked up from the tray in front of him, the food could be good or bad depending on rations.  Today was a bad day.

“Thought we might have a little fun, brighten the mood.”  He dropped the datapad and his tray onto the table.

“With … ?”

“One of the civilians had this thingy, we need a laugh so grabbed a copy.”  He dug into his meal, the powdered potatoes seemingly to his liking.

“How can you eat that?”

“We have to take what we can get,” he replied, “stop avoiding the thing.”

“I can’t avoid it if you haven’t told me what it is.”

“Right.”

They both looked up as Zahedi joined them, holding out a chair for Tracy and Stokes reached for her hand as she sat beside him.

“Anyway, this thing is a questionnaire, pretty simple really.”  Buckner ignored his glare.

“I doubt that if you’re trying so hard.”

“Hey, it’ll be fun.”  He picked up the datapad.

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**



“See,” Buckner grinned at him, “simple.”

“So far,” Stokes said, pushing his tray away.

_Stokes. –_ Buckner entered _._

  1. **WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?**



“Details, Mr Buckner,” Zahedi flashed a smile, “they want details.”

“Okay.”  Buckner looked at Stokes.

“Matthew Stokes”

“No middle name?”

“Nope, my dad had three and hated them so refused to give us one.”

  1. **DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE CALLED THAT?**



“Ah, I never asked.”  He shrugged, “didn’t need to know.”

  1. **ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?**



“Know this one,” Buckner filled it in.

_Taken._

  1. **HAVE ANY ABILITIES OR POWERS?**



“I’m just an ordinary guy.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Tracy muttered.

“Something we should know?”  When she didn’t continue Buckner waved his hand, encouraging her.

“Well,” she paused and grinned, “he is good with his hands.”

Buckner smirked and Stokes moaned.

_Knows how to please a woman._

“You can’t put that in there.”  Stokes went to grab the datapad but Buckner held it out of reach until he stopped.

“How do you know she wasn’t talking about tech, need my hands for that.”

“That’s not what she meant and you know it.”  Buckner read out the next question.

  1. **STOP BEING A GARY STU.**



“A what?”  Stokes looked at Tracy who shook her head.

“Ignore that one.”  Buckner suggested.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR?**



“Never really taken much notice, I don’t admire myself in the mirror.”  He glanced at Tracy.

“Green/blue, grey,” she narrowed her eyes, “depends on the light.’

  1. **HOW ABOUT YOUR HAIR COLOR?**



Buckner studied him for a moment before writing - _Brown/blonde_

  1. **HAVE YOU ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?**



“Not any more, except you guys.”  He looked around the table and Tracy squeezed his fingers.

  1. **OH? WHAT ABOUT PETS?**



“Had a dog once, does that count?”

  1. **THAT’S COOL I GUESS, NOW TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.**



“Reapers – obviously.”

“I believe they are asking about personal things, Mr Stokes.”  Zahedi pointed out.

“Okay, cauliflower – hate the stuff.”

“Really?”  Tracy stared at him.

“Yeah, mum loved it and cooked it pretty much every night.  With a sauce, without a sauce, mashed, boiled, steamed – even the smell turns my stomach.”  He dropped his eyes to the table, “funny though, I miss it.”

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES YOU LIKE DOING?**



_Anything tech_ – Buckner wrote and Stokes nodded.

“Although I did learn the guitar for a while.”  He shook his head as they looked at him, “no, I don’t still play.”

  1. **EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?**



“Um, soldier, with a gun ….”  He held out his hands and everyone nodded.

“So no-one outside of duty?”  Buckner asked.

“No-one I want to talk about.”  He ignored their pointed stares so Buckner continued.

  1. **EVER….KILLED ANYONE BEFORE?**



“See above.”  He waited for someone to say something but Buckner moved on.

  1. **WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?**



“What?”

“I can think of one,” Tracy said, her voice soft.

“No, not going there.”

“Oh come on,” Buckner said, sitting back and raising his arms in the air, “you can’t leave it there.”

“Well, I do call him Tiger at times.”  Stokes buried his face in his hands as she nudged him and Buckner wrote it down.

  1. **NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.**



“Hates getting out of bed,” Tracy beat him to it.

“Especially when you’re in it.”  He waggled his eyebrows at her and she blushed.

  1. **DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE AT ALL?**



“Anderson, you guys, Vega and Shepard.”

  1. **GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?**



“Definitely straight.”

  1. **DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?**



“Ah no, bit old for that.”

  1. **DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS ONE DAY?**



“If the opportunity arises,” he glanced at Tracy. “I’d say my chances have improved.”

“Don’t get cocky,” she hit him playfully on the shoulder.

  1. **DO YOU HAVE ANY FANBOYS/FANGIRLS?**



“None that I know about.”

  1. **WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?**



His eyes went straight to Tracy, “losing the one I love.”

“Ugh,” Buckner made a choking sound and then laughed as they both looked embarrassed.

  1. **WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?**



“Uniform mostly, especially now.”

Buckner nodded and wrote it down.

  1. **DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?**



“Yes,” he looked directly at Tracy who smiled and kissed him.

“Alright, get a room.”  Buckner scoffed.

  1. **WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WET YOURSELF?**



“Excuse me?”

“Only reading what it says.”  Buckner frowned at the screen.  “Dumb question.”

  1. **WELL, IT’S NOT OVER YET!**



“Oh wonderful,” Stokes groaned rolling his eyes.

  1. **WHAT CLASS ARE YOU? (HIGH CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS, LOW CLASS)**



“High class to me.”  Tracy answered.

“Do they still measure those things?”  Stokes looked at Buckner for clarification but he simply shrugged.

  1. **HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?**



“You guys, Vega, Shepard I guess.”

_A few_ – Buckner wrote in.

  1. **WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?**



“If they’re Zahedi’s home-made pies I’m there.”  He picked up his fork and pushed around the food on his tray, “especially right now.”

Zahedi chuckled, “It pleases me that you like my cooking, Mr Stokes.”

  1. **FAVORITE DRINK?**



“Don’t really have one, should I have?”  He glanced at them in turn but no-one gave him an answer.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?**



“Rainforests.”  That earned him a few questioning stares.  “They’re peaceful.  There was one not far from where we lived and after my parents died I spent a fair bit of time there.  It got me out of home.”

“Seriously,” Buckner wrote it in, “I thought you’d pick somewhere with lots of tech stuff.”

“I love my tech, but need a break sometimes.”

  1. **ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE~**



“Again?”

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR BRA CUP SIZE AND/OR HOW BIG IS YOUR WILLY?**



“Don’t want to brag,” he cracked up as Buckner snorted his coffee.

“You should,” Tracy said as she tried to smother her laughter.

“Too much information.”  Buckner quickly moved on.

  1. **WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?**



“Ocean, I like the surf.”

“Can you surf?” Buckner looked at him.

“Yeah, a little, dad taught me … .”  His eyes dropped and Tracy rubbed his arm gently.

  1. **WHAT’S YOUR TYPE?**



“My type?”  He didn’t have to think about it.  “Tracy.”

“So, smart, pretty, stubborn … .”  Buckner ducked as she threw a pea at him.

  1. **ANY FETISHES?**



“Um, not answering that one.”

“Something I should know?”  Tracy leant back and looked at him.

“Nope, not in company anyway.”  He smiled and she bit her lip.

  1. **SEME OR UKE? TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?**



“None of your damn business.”

  1. **CAMPING OR INDOORS?**



“Camping can be fun.  Laying out under the stars, campfire burning, snuggling into sleeping bags.”

“Mosquitos, rain, starving because you can’t catch any food.”  Tracy butted in.

“You’ve obviously been camping with the wrong person.”  Stokes nudged her shoulder.

“It seems Mr Stokes is the romantic type,” Zahedi chuckled.

  1. **ARE YOU WANTING THE QUIZ TO END?**



“Right now would be good.”  Stokes sighed and looked at Buckner who placed the datapad on the table.

“All done.”

“Your turn now,” Stokes picked up the pad but before he could erase his answers Buckner stood up and picked up his tray.

“Sorry, have to check on ammo supplies.”

“What?  How come I had to do this then?”

“Just wanted to see if you would.”  Buckner laughed at his open mouthed stare before walking away.

“I too have things to do,” Zahedi stood up along with Tracy.

“Yep, I have to go do things.”  She pointed over her shoulder.

“So I’m the idiot who got suckered into this.”  Stokes shook his head and Tracy bent down to kiss him.

“Yep, but it was fun.”

He watched her walk away and shook his head.  Of course he had to be the one made a fool of?  Still, he did make them smile and right now they needed that.

 


End file.
